Letter #142: Mr. Plankton

Good morning, Erin.

“Don’t make a girl a promise you can’t keep…”

Cortana says that to Master Chief in Halo 4.

…the video game. I’m assuming you’ve heard of it. (You have, right? It’s very popular. The game series, I mean. Or it was. I don’t think it’s done well, lately.)

I never had any real interest in the Halo series, back when I was gaming all the time. But I’d heard some buzz about the story for Halo 4, so I watched some of the cutscenes on YouTube, wondering if maybe this would be the one that finally grabbed my attention. 

It was. Not because of the quality of the animation or the danger presented by the antagonists—just that one line.

Well, okay, it was the whole scene, but it’s really that line that brings the whole thing together: Cortana tells Master Chief that she’s dying…and he refuses to accept that there’s nothing he can do to stop it, telling her her will get her to the one person in the universe who will know how to fix her—and Cortana, sad and afraid, tells him not to promise things they both know he won’t be able to do. 

It’s heartbreaking. I only barely knew anything about these two characters, and all it took was 60 seconds to hook me in completely. Because, with one short exchange, I could tell that this was a love story. A shooty, explodey, space love story. 

I’m easy. You know this about me. Give me a vaguely decent love story, and I’m yours. I don’t need the rest of it to be great. Just give me two people in love. 

…which I ask you to keep in mind as we have a little chat about Mr. Plankton…and I tell you about how much I f***ing haaaaaaated it. 

1. I genuinely don’t know why I wanted to watch this show. It’s possible I mistook it for something else, or maybe I thought it was a shorter series than it was (not that 10 episodes is long). It’s also possible I marked this on my calendar after I watched Squid Game and was all impressed by the actress who played #240. Or it could be something else entirely—again, I don’t know. (My first note is: “uh…?”) But I figured I’d find something to latch onto. It was supposed to have romance in it, and it had been garnering really enthusiastic praise online. So, how bad could it be?

2. Answer: horrific. Like, I think this might be the worst K-drama I’ve watched. I was longing for the days of being mad at the 100-Day Prince or frustrated by the antics of Inspector Koo. I spent a lot of the first half of the show muttering to myself in disbelief, and a lot of the second half begging for the characters to keel over and die. It took twice as long to get through the finale as it should have because I needed frequent breaks to calm myself down. 

2A. Well, I needed some breaks to calm myself down. The rest were because I didn’t want to stop playing Rise of Half Moon on Google Doodle.

2B. …did you see that game? It was something you clicked through on the Google main page. It’s soooo much fun. Very clever. Like, I can’t believe it’s free. No ads—nothing. If you haven’t seen it, check it out. It’s great. 

2C. …Mr. Plankton, on the other hand, is not great. It’s not even bad. It’s awful. Like, inexcusably awful. I still can’t believe someone actually wrote it. And then people allowed it to be filmed. It’s insulting, really. If you haven’t seen it—don’t. If you have…goodness, I hope you didn’t like it, seonbae. Because we may need to rethink our whole deal if you did. 

2D. I mean, not really. But it will break my heart.

3. But let’s take a moment to go over all the folks I recognized, before I go off on a rant:

• the snooty girl from All of Us are Dead as Jae-mi, the female lead

• the autistic brother from It’s Okay to Not be Okay as Heung, Jae-mi’s fiance

• Grandma from Start-Up as Heung’s mother

• the Lady in Red from Goblin as Hae-jo’s surrogate mother/older sister/girlfriend

• the techy boyfriend of the girly friend from Because This is My First Life as Hae-jo’s lackey

• the Speaker of the House’s husband from The Whirlwind as Hae-jo’s dad

• Glasses Lawyer from Vincenzo as a recluse

• the rich old dude from The Uncanny Counter as a restaurant owner

• the mean aunt from Doctor Slump as a mother

• the younger female host (Lee Da-hee) from Single’s Inferno as a bride

• the crooked book reviewer from It’s Okay to Not Be Okay as a doctor

• the hot English teacher from All of Us are Dead as Jae-mi’s mom

3A. Oh, um, Hae-jo is the male lead. Just FYI. I didn’t know him from anything. 

3B. We’ve got a couple of mini-reunions: Jae-mi and her mother are both from All of Us are Dead (though I’m not sure they shared any scenes); Heung and his mother were both in Revenant (as grandson and grandmother); Heung and the doctor were both in It’s Okay to Not be Okay (though they didn’t share any scenes—in that or this); Heung and Jae-mi were both in Touch Your Heart (though I don’t think they shared any scenes—in that, ‘cus they obviously share scenes in this); and Jae-mi and Heung’s mother were both in Strong Girl Nam-soon (but I didn’t see that, so…doesn’t count). 

3C. Y’know, when I do the mini-reunion stuff, I’m always sure I’m missing a dozen obvious overlaps. Like, I looked back at my letter for Sweet Home 2, and I missed that Ju-ri was in It’s Okay to Not be Okay with the autistic brother. Probably because they F***ING KILLED HER at the very start of the season, the absolute monsters, but…still. Just know I’m always kicking myself for missing these kinds of things. 

3D. What I’m definitely sure of, though, is that Hae-jo and Jae-mi were watching Episode 2 of Love to Hate You—and I think you can see why:

^from Ep. 10 of Mr. Plankton

^from Ep. 2 of Love to Hate You

That’s right: because it’s a shot of my girl Song Ji-woo, the actress who I consistently refer to as “that pretty girl from the thing I just watched!” (and who I famously spent ages trying to find based on her photo in Extraordinary You). The whole process of figuring out which show it was from was near-instantaneous but also very detailed—starting with realizing it seemed familiar, then noticing I thought the actress was very pretty, then remembering “she’s very prett—oh, I know her!” is always my reaction to seeing Song Ji-woo, then trying to use the bow in her hair as the triggering mechanism for locking down where I knew this shot from, and finally remembering that this was from her furious response to the male lead’s distaste for kissing her in Love to Hate You. A process you didn’t need to know, but which I was not going to leave out—because it was the most enjoyable thing about having sat through this show. 

4. I’m not entirely sure why the Korean title has “Mr.” written in English. I mean, I’m pretty sure the equivalent titles/honorifics in Korean are not gender-specific, so something about that is the only guess I have about why the title needed to be written as Mr. and not -shi or -nim. As far as I can tell, the show never hints at anything that would give us (or, at least, me) an answer. Head-scratcher. 

5. EL does some genuine acting, and it’s such a waste. The show didn’t deserve it. 

6. Oh Jung-se (who plays Heung) also does some genuine acting, and it’s a waste, too. Heung in general is a waste—though he’s one of maybe two characters I actually liked—because he’s just there to be a joke: “LOL he’s a cuckold what a loser lololololol.” Sure, he’s got a bit more going on, but none of it is treated seriously enough for him to ever be more than someone we’re supposed to laugh at, no matter how sincere he’s being…EXCEPT for one scene, in the latter portion of the series, when he’s crying because he can’t accept that he’s not “allowed” to be with Jae-mi anymore, that loving her is somehow an unforgivable fault of his rather than the culmination of all his best traits. It’s the lone emotional moment in the whole show that worked for me—not just because Oh Jung-se sold it, but because the show took Heung seriously for once. 

6A. …because the show couldn’t let Heung be taken seriously—because he’s so sympathetic, particularly compared to Hae-jo (and we’ll get into that), and the audience sympathizing with Heung would totally undercut the “Hae-jo’ so cool right guys don’t you love that little scamp!” premise they need you to embrace for the show to work. 

6B. Spoiler: I did not embrace. 

7. The guy playing Hae-jo’s lackey is also good, by the way. It’s not the best performance I’ve seen him give, but I thought he was worth noting. I think he’s a pretty good actor, all in all. 

8. I suppose there’s something to be said for how, when they are separated from her, Hae-jo clings to one of her accidentally-discarded shoes and Heung clings to her accidentally-discarded jokduri. They’re opposing ends…and that’s as far as I can take the symbolism. (Unless you consider the shoes representative of Hae-jo’s “claim” over Jae-mi, since he bought them to replace the shoes Heung gave her, so Hae-jo clinging to the shoe is also representative of his selfishness; while the headpiece is more representative of Jae-mi agreeing to join Heung’s family and, therefore, more representative of Heung’s purer attitude towards her. I’m not saying that’s what I think, just that…you could think that. If you wanted to.)

9. Nice try, Netflix, but Hae-jo didn’t say “wanderers,” in Episode 10. I very distinctly heard him say “gypsies.” 

10. Even keeping all the Hyundai logos uncovered couldn’t save this show. 

11. In Episode 3, Hae-jo (and Jae-mi, sort of) watches what is apparently the animated series adaptation of the The Sound of Your Heart webcomic. Which you can watch—in its entirety—on YouTube. Labeled as a kids show. Because the YouTube algorithm is totally not a mess, guys. 

12. The show frequently uses The Mamas & The Papas for its closing song, and it got to the point where I hated the show so much that I literally shouted “KEEP MY ‘CALIFORNIA DREAMIN’ ’ OUT YA DAMN MOUTH!” at the TV. 

13. At one point, I was so desperate to find anything nice to say that I started admiring this avant garde crucifix the hospital had in its waiting area. And then I started to question whether it was, in fact, an avant garde crucifix or just another of the many plants in the area.

I’m still not 100% sure in either direction. 

14. If you don’t know, the plot of the show is that Hae-jo is dying of a brain…thing…and so he decides to spend his remaining time tracking down his biological father—after first kidnapping (literally) his ex-girlfriend from her wedding and dragging her along as a sidekick. Throughout their journey, Hae-jo has several instances of his brain thing essentially flaring up and overwhelming him, blurring his vision or causing blackouts or triggering severe seizures. Fortunately, this never happens while he’s driving or in the middle of a fist fight with armed gangsters or wooing his ex-girlfriend. Which is totally believable and not at all contrived as f***. 

15. …just like it’s not at all contrived that, once everyone knows he’s got this problem, NO ONE HAS A PROBLEM WITH HIM DRIVING ANY OF THEM AROUND.

15A. Okay, there’s an argument to be made that Heung takes over driving because of this, after they’ve paired up at the end, but it’s stupid that Heung is actually there and isn’t a hallucination like I thought he was, which would have been waaaaaay better because it would have spoken to several things about Hae-jo that—of all people—he hallucinated Heung as his companion. But, no, he was really there. Which totally made sense, guys, trust us. 

15C. …actually, wait, he does have an episode when he’s fighting the gangster on the deserted island. So, okay, the one time—but, even then, should it count if this only happened when others were there to swoop in and save him from harm? I say no. Because f*** this show. 

15D. Sorry, sorry, I…it’s just that this is the worst K-drama I’ve ever seen. I hate so much about it. Like, I think Nevertheless was a more palatable show. Ugh. Just…ugh. 

16. There are quite a few gags that totally land—but I feel like most of the things that are supposed to be funny are just mean-spirited. Which I did not appreciate. 

17. Hae-jo takes his shirt off A LOT. Which is fine. A little somethin’ for the ladies (...and, judging by the response online, the ladies quite appreciated the gesture). But was there’s somethin’ for the fellas? Nope. unless several shots of EL’s feet were supposed to count. Which…please tell me they were not. 

18. Oh! I forgot to mention: Lee Da-hee’s brief role in Episode 1 was great! I knew she was an actress, but I’d never seen her in anything before, so I was surprised to see how charming she was. Add her to the list of folks I’d like to see more from. (Which I could easily do by going through her back-catalog. And maybe I will. Someday. Eventually.)

19. Jae-mi is chased by a group of gangsters through the wooded area of a mountainside, and it is one of the most embarrassing things I’ve seen since little girl Princess Leia mostly managed to outrun her grownup captors at the start of Obi Wan Kenobi. The camera keeps cutting so they can reset the actors playing the gangsters because they catch up to her too quickly, even as you see how deliberately slow and awkward their running is or how frequently they all trip over nothing so they don’t catch up to her. Woof.

20. Here’s another diamond in the rough: John, the recalled-from-America bodyguard/fixer/super-lackey guy. I really enjoyed him—particularly how he wore his sunglasses literally all the time. (Until they called it out in Episode 9, which sucked. It was funny because no one mentioned it, show! Why are you like this?!) He’s maybe the only character who is treated with any real nuance…though I’m not entirely sure what I’m supposed to glean is his deal. Initially, it seems like he might be gay, maybe even in love with Heung, which may or may not have had something to do with him being in America…but later it’s maybe hinted that he’s actually Heung’s illegitimate brother, since Heung’s father had a revolving door of mistresses he knocked up left and right. We’re never given any real confirmation of anything—except that Heung’s mother (to whom he is extremely loyal) eventually offers to be his “second mother” (which, given other uses of the phrase in the show, I took to mean “governess” or “nanny,” but someone in the show incorrectly(?) took to mean “mistress,” so…), which makes him very happy…which I guess could mean that he was glad to finally be acknowledged as a real part of the family, which would fit in with the theme about Hae-jo and Jae-mi being abandoned/“abandoned” by their parents. But I dunno. Which isn’t a negative, just…quite different from the way the rest of the show is handled. If everything else had been similarly left to us to intuit or infer, I don’t think this would have stood out quite so much to me. 

21. Speaking of not being subtle or nuanced:

• Hae-jo throws away the traditional shoes Heung went through great pains to have made for Jae-mi to wear at their wedding (because she didn’t fit in standard sizes), which she’d been clinging to as she hoped Heung would be able to find her and bring her back. We then get a lot of Jae-mi wondering where the shoes went and being sad about not having them and then flashbacks to how he gave her the shoes. Because she was clinging to the shoes, and they were from Heung, so it’s like she was clinging to her life with Heung when she was clinging onto the shoes. Get it? THE SHOES ARE SYMBOLIC, GUYS, DO YOU GET IT???

• …then, later in the same episode, Hae-jo buys Jae-mi new shoes. New shoes—that are shoes that Hae-jo buys her. And they make her happy. They are shoes from Hae-jo and not from Heung and the shoes make her happy DO YOU GET IT DO YOU GET THE SYMBOLISM???

• Hae-jo eventually reveals (...to himself, since this is in a dream) that he wants to come back as plankton after he dies. Because…well, it doesn’t matter exactly why, but part of it has to do with how plankton can be photoluminous—that is, they can produce light. So, sometimes, the glittering you see in the ocean is plankton. A couple of episodes later, he and Jae-mi have some fun on a snowy mountain—which, as we see in the very first scene of the series (before it sends us back in time a couple of months), is the snowy mountain where he will finally keel over and die. However, when the pair reaches the snowy mountain in the finale, the snow is pristine and untouched—and it glitters in the sunlight as though it is made up of a million little balls of light just like the glittering of the plankton he hopes to become when he dies DO YOU GET IT THE SNOWY MOUNTAIN IS LIKE THE OCEAN AND HE’S GOING TO DIE THERE AND IT’S LIKE HE’S ALREADY THE THING HE WANTS TO BE WHEN HE DIES DO YOU F***ING GET IT YOU STUPID PLEBS IT’S SYMBOLISM!!!

21A. …to quote from my notes: “F*** you and the stolen horse you rode in on.” Good Lord, this show is up its own a**. 

21B. …again, sorry, I just really hate this show. 

21C. No, like, I literally wrote “Can we just get to the part where he dies, please?” in my notes. I just found the whole thing so…insulting. Not because of the overwrought symbolism stuff, mind you; I rolled my eyes at it, certainly, but that aspect wasn't any more ridiculous than any other bad show. It was deeper than that. And we’re going to get into why.

21D. …but not just yet. 

22. The subtitles (unsurprisingly) leave this detail out, but Heung ALWAYS refers to Jae-mi—his fiancee—as “Jae-mi shi.” And I am very, very sure of this, because 70% of his dialogue is just saying her name over and over again. But it’s a great detail that says a great deal about him (that he’s fairly formal or old-fashioned, that he’s very respectful of her and thinks very well of her, that he’s still very hesitant to become more intimate/personal with her). 

23. There’s a gag the show does that I’m pretty sure doesn’t make sense: Hae-jo retreats to the bathroom on a train because he’s having an episode and doesn’t want Jae-mi to know that he’s sick. He’s in there for a while, so Jae-mi assumes he’s been having one heck of an upset tummy when she goes to see if he’s okay (because they’ve arrived at their destination and have to leave). He comes out and leaves, pretending everything is fine, and she scowls and pinches her nose because she doesn’t want to smell the lingering aftereffects of his presumed defecation (lololololol etc)—EXCEPT: a few moments later, we get a flashback to this interaction from her perspective…where she sees the pain medication he has secretly been taking spilled out all over the floor of the bathroom, clearly realizing he hadn’t been in there because of a bowel movement. So, we now know she’s doing the whole “eww, stinky!” shtick because she doesn’t want him to know she’s twigged something else was going on—EXCEPT: when she does the whole pinching her nose thing, she’s pushing him from behind to get out of the train. That is, he can’t see that she’s pinching her nose. So…I guess she could be doing it as a way to really commit to pretending his trip to the bathroom warrants fear of a smell, but I think it’s more likely that it was done to add a bit of levity to the end of a more serious scene—which is to say, for the sake of the audience. Because, if Hae-jo can’t see her reaction (which she only has after she’s started pushing him out of the train), she doesn’t need to do it. 

23A. Now, am I being overcritical of this moment because this show irks me to no end and, as such, I will give it no quarter of any kind? Yes. But also it’s a sloppy moment that they could have easily gotten around by simply having them face each other when she does it. 

24. I think the guy who plays Hae-jo is probably an excellent actor—but I f***ing HATE Hae-jo. And he is pretty much the sole reason this show is as insufferable as it is. 

24A. First, if you haven’t seen the show, you need to understand that Hae-jo is pretty quickly portrayed as a snide, arrogant, highly intelligent, childish, self-absorbed know-it-all jerk. I immediately equated him to Benedict Cumberbatch’s portrayal of Sherlock Holmes, but you could just as easily compare him to Hugh Laurie’s Dr. House (...from House). Which is a pretty good place to start, as far as I’m concerned—because I quite like both of those characters. 

24B. …but do you know what makes Sherlock and House likeable, despite being total dickbags? It’s that they’re very, very good at what they do. You can look past the horrible flaws because they are the only ones who can rise to meet the challenges they face. They are impressive, invaluable. As fictional characters, they offer an obvious counterbalance to their negative qualities that makes them fascinating, makes you willing to…perhaps not forgive their improprieties but tolerate them. Hae-jo has no such redeeming qualities. It’s sort of implied that he should have them—or maybe he does have them, but off-screen, so we never get to see him. Instead he’s just an abhorrent, unrepentant piece of trash. And, unbelievable as this may seem, I don’t have much sympathy for someone like that.

24C. Which is a MASSIVE problem. So much of this show rests on you immediately being on-side with Hae-jo…but there’s never a good reason why you should be. Well, unless you think he’s hot and are quite pleased with how frequently shirtless he is. Which sounds like a joke, but it’s not: rather than having Hae-jo try to charm the audience with displays of his cleverness or wit, the show spends all its points on assuming we’ll think he’s sexy as hell and, as such, root for him implicitly. There is literally nothing else to like about him: he treats his friends poorly; he’s violent; he’s rude; he has no compassion for the plight of others; and he seems to actively disdain the idea of showing other people and consideration at all. Again, it is implied that he’s smart, intuitive, a problem solver—like, his job explicitly roots itself in his ingenuity as much as it does in his detached, calculated willingness to take on any job that will A) pique his interest and B) pay him well enough. And yet…we see none of this. He faces no problem or obstacle or challenge that requires him to earn or appreciation or respect or attention. He simply shows up, looks good, and is a total prick. Which the show perceives as complexity. 

24D. Especially when paired with—alas!—the prognosis of his imminent death. He’s dying, therefore we are supposed to pity him, side with him, root for him. He had a rough childhood, therefore we are supposed to pity him, side with him, care for him. He had a painful breakup with his soulmate, therefore we are supposed to pity him, care for him, love him. He’s so hot and pitiable and dying and none of this is his fault at all! He’s just a jerk because he’s broken—I CAN FIX HIM! 

24E. …to quote from my notes: “F*** you with a box of hammers.” Being hot and having a sad backstory (making him vulnerable-hot) is not character depth, you squealing mass of horny pre-teens. He is a goddamn thirst trap, and it is insulting that I’m supposed to think otherwise.

24F. On top of this is that Mr. Plankton is yet another show that relies on us buying into a past relationship being some great predestined romance ripped asunder by forces beyond their ken but which can only ever be put back, because they are the great predestined soulmate romance that no amount of tragedy can ever truly keep apart. Do we see any indication that this is true? Of course not. We get told that this is true a bajillion times, but do we see any proof of their great love? of it being tragic that they cannot be together? of anything but him treating her like a possession, being condescending to her, or ignoring her expressly-stated desires because golly gosh doesn’t she know he knows better? Of course not. We see some flashbacks that sort of hint that maybe some of that could be the case—in the same way that we get hints that maybe Hae-jo is really clever and uses his cleverness to overcome obstacles but then never, ever see it in action. 

24G. Oh oh oh—and then the show has the ABSOLUTE F***ING AUDACITY to have him give a “Why meeeee?!” speech in the finale as his bravado in the face of imminent death gives way to the natural fear he’d been trying to ignore. And I mean…f*************ck this guy. Why you? What did you ever do to deserve this? Nothing. No reason. No one ever “earns” something like this. But, if you’re that interested in assigning blame…you’re an awful, selfish, solipsistic prick with a victim complex, so, y’know, maybe that.

Rocket’s next line, of course, is “Everybody’s got dead people!” And I love that line. Because it’s true. And it’s sad—don’t think I don’t acknowledge that it’s sad. But it doesn’t make anyone special. And it doesn’t make Hae-jo as a character somehow sympathetic simply because he has tragic circumstances. I have tragic circumstances. You have tragic circumstances. I think very few people don’t have tragic circumstances of one kind or another. So, the mere fact of having them doesn’t make someone narratively worthwhile. It takes more than that—and a f*** of a lot more than being shirtless a whole bunch. And if the only other accouterments on offer are being an irredeemable dickhead…well, in the immortal words of William Shakespeare: “Go f*** yourself.” 

24H. /end rant

25. Also, I have no idea what the point of most of this show is. It feels like padding, really, ‘cus it doesn’t go anywhere. Like, the events of the first five or six episodes become utterly irrelevant very, very quickly as we get into the final third of the show, as though this was originally meant to be a two-hour movie that they had to stretch to 10 episodes. I have no proof that this is what happened, but…that’s certainly how it feels. 

And I think we can end it there, lest we risk another rant. 

But, yeah, this was an absolute stinker, Erin, and I’m pretty sure this is at the bottom of my list. I don’t know that I’ve ever felt insulted by one of these shows before. Bored, angry, frustrated—sure. But insulted? That certainly feels like a first. 

Ugh.

Sorry it took so long to get this to you. I was supposed to be in the middle of the letter for the next show on my list, but…I haven’t even started it yet. Like, started the show. I’d planned to have it ready as a Thanksgiving treat—but, y’know, things happen. Work gets busy. The show you’re watching is an affront to literature, and so you distract yourself with the YouTube channel of the lawyer from Heart Signal 4, who you didn’t particularly like but somehow can’t resist seeing how her trip to the supermarket went. 

Anyway.

Though it’s not yet Thanksgiving, and though this was not meant to be my Thanksgiving letter, I’d still like to take a moment to acknowledge that I’m very, very thankful you decided to talk to me. I don’t know if that turned out okay for you, but it has meant a great deal to me. 

I hope you’re enjoying…well, everything. That would make me very happy, if you were. 

More soon.

—Daryl